Welcome back to another episode of the YouSchool podcast. If you're new here, here's what we're all about. We are trying to walk through the series of conversations, questions that we believe everyone should answer in order to build and have the foundation to build a meaningful life. And you could argue that one of these questions isn't important or crucial or critical, but you're gonna lose. Because we've been working on this for a long time. With military Special Forces, we're transitioning to civilian life with teachers, parents, educators, a series of folks who have informed the work that we do, from therapists to sociologists, psychologists, I mean, the list goes on. In other words, we're really confident that these are the critical foundations. And today we're going to discover and dig into maybe maybe the most foundational skill that everybody needs to have in order to grow up well. And that's this idea of ongoing self discovery. And it's something of course, that adolescents are doing in a really unique, concentrated, keen way they are trying to figure themselves out. And they're doing that in a way that's maybe maybe not so productive, maybe not so efficient or effective. Because what they're looking for is a mirroring effect from their peers. Can you tell me who I am? Can you tell me who I'm not? Can you tell me what's most important? Can you help me figure out what to do here, how to spend my time, my energy, they have all these questions. But unfortunately, rather than going to their own voice, first, their inner voice or listening to really wise voices in their lives, like their parents, teachers, coaches, youth pastors, instead of going to those voices are their own, they listen most profoundly to the voices of their peers, and their peers can be literally kids that they play sports with, or in school with. It could also be a collective sense of what they hear their peers through social media, and through media, through Netflix, through YouTube. Those are the voices that are the most loud and resonate the most. The problem is, if you let someone else define you, tell you who you are, and tell you what your value is tell you who you're not going to be here. Well, it's it's going to go, it's, it's not going to go well for you, it's not going to go easily for you. And you're going to be delayed in your maturity. So we want to help young people through the intervention of parents and teachers and coaches and youth workers to intervene and teach the skills of ongoing self discovery. That and that is that it is it's a learnable thing. You can learn everyone can learn the importance, the value and the skills of self discovery. I just want to
frame this well, for a second, you're looking at if you're watching this, you're looking at this scene from California Adventure from from Disneyland Disney. And I want you to think about for a second, Disney movies particularly didn't Disney princess movies. Because although the plots are slightly different, the overarching theme is always the same. It's this for the main character, the main character has a sense and a hunch that there is something deeper and more profound inside them. There is another reality, another story, another truth about who they are and who they could be in this world than their current experience. And you think of Mulan, you think of brave, I think of Rapunzel and tangled. I think of all of these characters, and I've watched them all with my kids, Elsa on a frozen cocoa. I mean, the list goes on and on. They're all the same. There's something great inside you. And yet the people around you don't see it. The world that you're in the culture that you're in the family that you're in, the story that you're currently playing, is restricting the real you from being discovered and unleashed. And the reason I think those movies work, not only great music, and it's it it is that theme that that pings my heart and everyone's heart. What if there's something deeper, something more profound, something truer, something more beautiful, authentic about who you are. And then the quest of those movies is to discover that the self discovery through A series of adventures, and a cast of funny characters to help that Princess discover their true identity, their true story. And it's the same. There is a great story inside of you, inside of every single kid, there's another reality than the one they're experiencing, there's greater potential. There's more to offer for each and every person each and every kid. And that's what we're trying to do. So how do you do it? How do you learn about yourself, where it becomes normal becomes a habit and it becomes a skill set that's contributes to you building a strong foundation? Well, I just want to flip before we dig into the the skill set and how you do it with the opposite. The opposite reality that you those are the people who lack self awareness, are the ones we try to avoid at all costs. They are the ones we run from, whether it's a teenager or an adult, the the people that don't see or understand or perceive how they come across the impact that they make the the, the ripple effect of their presence. It's those people and I would challenge you to think about the people who've been difficult for you that neighbors, the family members, that coworkers, the friends who are most difficult are typically the ones who lack self awareness. So it is possible, it is possible to be to be brilliant, it's possible to be great at school. It's it's possible to be incredibly talented, and yet lack self awareness happens all the time. We don't want that. I don't want that for me. I don't want it for you. I don't want it for kids. So how do you do it? For we call them these four uncommon principles, some common steps to learn about yourself to grow and self awareness. Number one, always assume there's more to you than meets the eye. Always assume that there's more about you to who you are, to what's inside you, then what's on the surface, there's more to us and what your report card says. Your grade point average test scores, the uniform you wear, the color of your hair, the shape of your body, your physical ability, there's more to you than meets the eye. So always assume that there's more, always assume that there's more. Second,
find out what the right questions are. Now there's a fine line, in my experience, between helpful, healthy, appropriate productive self reflection that leads to self awareness. And there's a fine line between that. And self indulgence, or worry, rumination, or anxiety, there's a fine line. And the key to doing it well is discovering what the right most helpful questions are to do the self reflection, and we have a series of them. That's all that's all useful offers the series of the right questions. Third, is feedback from the right people. Now again, back to that idea of teenagers, they often are listening to voices and turning up the volume of voices that should be turned down or turned off. So finding the right people, for kid Yes, there are peers, peers are critical. Finding the right ones with the wise voices is the important part, and having other adults who you trust, to be able to tell you the truth of who you are, and what they see, who have a broad perspective of reality. So getting feedback from the right people kinda like the ugly duckling story. Are you my mother? Can you help me figure out who I am? Can you help me figure out what to do here, and how to be here. And then the fourth part will be to find a guide, someone that can walk you through unpacking the complexity of who you are. And that might come in many forms that could come in the form of an older friend, lives friend, it could come in the form of a parent, although it's probably less likely, it's more likely to come from a teacher, a coach, a therapist, a youth pastor, someone that understands the dynamics of self discovery, has done that work themselves, and can walk with you walk with your kid to help them or you have insights about yourself. So those are four uncommon steps. But ultimately, what this turns into ideally would be a daily practice. It's something that you can do, if you decide to do it. If you decide that it's important, it's something you can do and your kid can do every day. Just take a step back and reflect on where have I been today? What happened? How did it impact me? How did I feel? How did I feel physically? How did I respond? How did I act? How do I think I came across to others? What were the results? How am I feeling now? What am I carrying with me? What can I let go of? I mean, these are questions that you could do a bedtime. As you're falling asleep, that doesn't take much more than a couple minutes, maybe even not that. It's something you can do throughout the day, in between meetings and between classes in the car. It's something that everybody can do. There's also apps for this. So finally, is a great quote from really the godfather of emotional intelligence, the guy who wrote all the original research on emotional intelligence. He said this, if your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self awareness, if you're not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you're not going to get very far. So what have you learned about yourself? What are the skills that you employ to grow continuously, and self discovery and self awareness?
We're taking the mystery out of building a meaningful life with a step by step roadmap. In school, you're taught everything under the sun, from algebra to art history, to aerodynamics, but you're not taught how to understand yourself. Or given the tools to make sense of all the questions life throws your way. Without it, most people will take the path of least resistance, hoping it all just works out someday. That's why the use school is here. for over 10 years, we've been specializing in designing transformative curriculum and learning environments to guide people through life's transitions to find, define and unleash great stories with their lives. You only get one life. You only get one story. Make sure it's the right one.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai