Episode 36: Case Study #2—Helping a 10th Grader Plan for the Future

This week, we invited Canyon Scandrett, a sophomore at Rancho Bernardo High School whose parents said needs help to figure out what direction to take his life. Our kids don’t need us to be passive observers or cheerleaders; they need us with them in the process of discovering their lives. Even more than with them, they need to be guided through a series of conversations and questions to consider. They need to be exposed to opportunities, career fields, and lifestyles that might resonate with them. Even more than waiting until they ask, take the initiative to guide them through a series of the right questions to ponder. Bring up the subject repeatedly, letting them know how important it is to reflect on the big questions in life and talk about them with people you trust.

Episode Transcript

Scott Schimmel 0:20
Hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the useful podcast. I'm Scott Schimmel, and I'm here with my pal, my buddy and one of my son's best friends. Cannon. Skindred. Kenny, would you number one, I already said your name. But talk a little bit about what school you go to grade. And you're like, where you are in your family like sisters, brothers, that sort of thing. I know. But the internet doesn't know yet.

Canyon Scandrett 0:43
All right, so my name is Canyon, as you said, I'm in 10th grade. I got to Rancho Bernardo High School. And on like the family level. I'm the oldest brother. oldest of all kids. I'm a son to parents so. So that's all I really got

Scott Schimmel 1:03
a dog in it. Oh,

Canyon Scandrett 1:05
yeah. Dog and two little rascal of cats.

Scott Schimmel 1:08
You have two? I thought they died. I thought they got eaten.

Canyon Scandrett 1:11
Well, I mean, multiple have died. And then we keep getting them.

Scott Schimmel 1:16
Okay, so you're, you're definitely a case study a guinea pig for this conversation. And I can't remember if it was your mom or your dad recommended you quickly. Because I put out there in the world. I don't know if you knew this exactly. But I put out in the world and said, Hey, is anybody have a kid that doesn't know what to do with their lives when they get older? And you were the second one to be referred? The first was our pal Abe. And you're the second and which is perfect. It makes total sense. Of course, you don't know what to do with your life. You're 15, 16?

Canyon Scandrett 1:49
16. Yeah.

Scott Schimmel 1:50
Okay, you're 16. Of course, you don't know what to do with your life. But let me so let me just start with what have you kind of thought about over the years when it comes to career, I'm sure when you were little, you're like, I want to be Russell Wilson or I want to be a firetruck. Like, what? What have you thought about over the years?

Canyon Scandrett 2:09
Well, of course, as like a child, I always wanted to play sports. But then like, getting older, it's you gotta think, like, not everyone really can do that. So I mean, I just want to make money. So real estate agent has been like a big thing, just because multiple, like family friends do that. And I just see like, where they're at in life. So that looks like somewhere I'd like to be.

Scott Schimmel 2:30
Yeah, no, I know. For me, I was very influenced by my parents. My mom didn't work outside the house. My dad was an accountant. And growing up, I got messages from them. Mostly indirect, mostly just picking things up. You just you know, as kids, you listen, you absorb. And then we had a, we had a few conversations. I remember by I think my mom's saying, make sure whatever you do, you basically have enough money to provide for the family. And, and do and I think the other messages I got were like, do something respectable? I don't know, don't you know, pay your own bills. But also, there was like a kind of an expectation that felt like people had for me was to go into business. So I'm curious. How have you kind of made sense of your parents? Because every every parents are different in terms of what they do professionally. But what kind of messages have you picked up on what's expected of you?

Canyon Scandrett 3:32
Um, well, I'd like to kind of not like work in the like, industry, my dad's working in but like, kind of work out when he works, because he's home a lot. And I see a lot of kids with like parents that are never home. So I for me, I'd want to be home. Like my dad is and my mom is. So that's something I'd like to do where I'm not always leaving, and I can work from home.

Scott Schimmel 3:57
Yeah, that's cool, because I watched my dad go off to work every day office, suit, briefcase. And so when I started working, after college, I got this job that was not like that at all. And I always felt like, what am I doing? I'm like playing, I'm playing adult. I'm not a real adult until I did that. And then one day, I got an office and I like, put on nice clothes. And I drove there. And I sat in this office, and I was like, What have I done? The last thing I want to do is go to an office every single day, or travel. I know my dad, I think your dad travels quite a bit too. My dad traveled a lot. I always thought that's what I want to do when I get older. And then I realized as I did it, man that's kind of lonely to be traveling. Let me ask you this when you think about not career, and I think you've already sort of mentioned it, but when you imagine someday, being a dad having a family, however you imagine it like you talked about being at home what What is that for you? Why? What do you imagine? What do you hope your family's like, and I don't know if you've even thought about that yet.

Canyon Scandrett 5:06
Um, I mean, I've thought a little bit about that just like, just going back to like seeing my dad, always being home, that's kind of nice to be able to, like, have a father figure that's home all the time. So I can like I can do, I don't know, father and son things with him. But also, I just like, when I'm older, it'd be nice to have the same type of family where everyone's together a lot of the time, rather than everyone going their separate ways. And so I feel if I find a way to work, where I can make a good amount of money to like, provide for the family, but be home with my family. That's probably something I want to do.

Scott Schimmel 5:43
Yeah, that's cool. Because I think quite a few, especially teenagers would say, the last thing I want is my parents around more. Usually, it's like the opposite. Like, I want them gone. I want them out of the house. I'm sure that it'd be good for your parents to hear, especially to remind you when you're annoyed with him, Hey, you wanted this you wanted a song you want to hear your dad obviously does something that's really people oriented. Obviously, there's different kinds of things. Some people make things, some people, like you said, sell real estate. What where does that fit for you as you think about? I don't know, maybe even your your parents like approval of what you do? Like, what's what matters most to you? Like, for me, what seemed to matter most to my family was being financially secure, doing something respectable? Like what, what what have you kind of picked up on that?

Canyon Scandrett 6:40
I mean, for me, my parents seemed pretty like, like, keen on me just like going to school and like getting, like a good not a deep like a great degree, but like, making sure I stay in school and do well. And they want me they want what's best for me. But I mean, I don't feel any pressure to do like what my dad's doing. Or, like, have a big job like a doctor or something. So I feel like a sense of freedom at like, where I'm at with my parents, and what they think on what I should do.

Scott Schimmel 7:13
I'm just, I'm just curious to your mom is going back to school getting a degree. And just curious your perspective of that. Obviously, it takes a lot of time. And what do you think about that?

Canyon Scandrett 7:24
I think it's pretty crazy, though, because she's already doing a lot for our family. She's like cooking meals. But then like, during the day, she has a lot on her plate. So I don't know. It's kind of like a learning curve for all of us, though, because it affects when she'll sometimes she probably shouldn't say this, but she she'll forget to like pick me up and be like a little late. But that just shows like, how like, zoned in she is. And it's kind of crazy to see that she's momming and going back to school, which is yeah, something cool to see.

Scott Schimmel 7:56
That's cool. So you're at Ranchboro High School. And for people who don't know, like outside of San Diego, it's in Poway Unified. In Poway Unified is known as this district that's pretty intense. It's like a lot of high achieving kids. It's a lot of parents who want their kids to go to a university, not just a college, but like a four year university. Now that you're a sophomore, what, what is your perspective of the school? And so much, I think, obviously, is who you spend time with? And what's like normal to them. I'm just curious, how do you how do you compare yourself to what you see other kids doing? Like friends, or people in your class? How do you just kind of make sense of the the expectations or what's normal at your school?

Canyon Scandrett 8:47
Well, I mean, RB's is super like, I don't know, not like it's not community involved, but just like there's a community at the school. And everyone like, they want you to go to football games, they want us to get involved. But like, I feel like I'm, I fit in to just like, the social aspect of our school, because everyone is pretty social. So and then like, things about like ASB. I'm kind of drifting towards getting involved with that. Just because that seems like the thing. Our school is biggest on just involvement. So I might as well try something.

Scott Schimmel 9:20
Yeah. What about? I haven't even asked my son who's your age, same grade, same school, like college prep, SAT, AP classes, what's the vibe? What do you hear? What are the counselors admin say? Like, what's what's normal? What's expected of you on that side?

Canyon Scandrett 9:41
Well, I mean, obviously, I've had some, like older people in my life that have talked about like AP classes or like, honor classes and all those more challenging classes. So I mean, I feel like I can take some, I'm gonna take, I probably take some junior year more than right now, because right now I'm just finished, like focusing on getting credits, but that I feel like it's like the SAT and all that it's pretty stressful just thinking about it now, because it's a big part of like, where you're gonna go in your life. So I'm just kind of waiting until that actually comes up but try my best as of right now, just to get the normal things done.

Scott Schimmel 10:18
Do you feel, where do you feel the pressure from to do well in school? I come from you because I come from friends that come from family. It's more of

Canyon Scandrett 10:31
Just like me, because my parents have always been like, okay with me not doing like amazing in school, but I just think from like, my perspective, I see like, a lot my potential just like, where I want to be. So I feel like I gotta try. Were like, try super hard to get where I want to be. But I'm not. I'm not like, I want to get 100% on everything. I just want to try my best.

Scott Schimmel 10:58
I used to have a phrase, I'm not proud of it now. Because I'm a dad. But my phrase was like, what is the bare minimum I need to do to get the grade that I wanted, which was different. Obviously, it's all relative. was at a C,B,A? For me, it was like, Can I get an A minus with an 89.49? Would that round me up? And then if there's something that I had to do beyond that, why would I was? kind of my attitude. And it really wasn't until I got later in college. I was like, oh, that's the only person who lost on that was me. Cuz now there's stuff I just don't know, that I didn't pay attention back then. As the older brother to your sisters, I've never I'm the youngest in my family. Do you have? Do you feel any burden and responsibility of like setting the pace or anything for your for your sisters?

Canyon Scandrett 11:45
Oh, that's kind of hard because my little sisters are probably a lot smarter than me when they get to my age because Sage the like, middle child, she's already pretty smart. So I don't I mean, I could try to set like a, like a bar for them to, like reach for but they're probably going to pass it.

Scott Schimmel 12:06
You're feeling the heat from her.

Canyon Scandrett 12:07
Yeah. I don't, I don't know about the. I mean, I'll try to do my best. But I feel when she gets to where I'm at, she'll be more smart, like a lot smarter than I am.

Scott Schimmel 12:19
And when you say smarter, do you mean? Naturally? It comes easier to her? Or? Oh yeah, she's just works harder.

Canyon Scandrett 12:26
She works harder. She cares more. And she's just naturally way smarter. A lot of people I know. So I don't really, I don't expect her to be any less than I am.

Scott Schimmel 12:38
Yeah. What have you what comes easy to you, when for your classes and stuff you've taken?

Canyon Scandrett 12:47
Probably just the social aspect, just like making friends and classes and doing well on like presentations. But all of its chemistry right now is kicking my butt. It's hard. But I mean, English has always been something I'm decent at, I can write pretty well. But everything I'm just kind of, I just like sit in the middle.

Scott Schimmel 13:07
It's it's hard. Sometimes when I look back to gauge, you know, what you should do with your life based on your grades. Because I've always had this thought like, for instance, science was always hard for me too. And it could be that I and you aren't naturally wired for it. It doesn't. And and especially if you're not excited about it, you're not like interested in it. And it's kind of difficult. That's a bummer. But I also have always wondered like, what if my teacher sucked? Or yeah, or what if it was their? What if they were going through a hard time personally? Or what if they it was a first year teaching and they were still figuring out how to teach. In other words, I didn't get the concepts in a real clear way that I might have gotten from another teacher or was the right style for me. But then I completely write off like an entire field of study and career because my chemistry teacher socked like that, to me that's so it's, I think it's interesting to look for clues based on like your GPA or grades and say like, Oh, if that comes easy, or that my grades are higher, I think a lot of people make the mistake to say then that's what you should do. And it might be I mean, if you're if English is like, yeah, I can write, but you also don't have any interest in it or passion or excitement it just because there are things and I'm sure you're like this too. There's things I'm, I'm decent at, but I never want to do. I don't ever want to do accounting in my life. But I was an accounting major. And I got good grades and I got a job offer. But that's when I look at that and say that's interesting. You're good at something or it comes easy to you and you don't like it. So what do you do with that? Almost like pocket to the side with like a question mark. I'll come back to that later. What um, so English writing, is there anything or isn't anything what outside of typical class? Do you see yourself drawn to? You like sports? You mentioned that but like, I'm curious, I've been around you a lot with friends. What do you do? Socially? What is your unique? I don't know, contribution? Or what do you bring to a group of friends or to one friends? Like, what is your style that you bring?

Canyon Scandrett 15:26
I've never really thought of that. But I probably just say, I like to make others laugh. I don't know why, but it just like, makes me happy. So feel like with anyone, even like random kids I sit next to and like period three, chemistry just like funny, like funny little things that I say can like, bring? I don't know, I just tried to bring happiness to others most of the time. So yeah, there's just random, random things that happen. And then I'm just kind of always there to try to make people laugh. I don't. I don't really, I don't actually I actually don't really know.

Scott Schimmel 16:02
Yeah, there's different kinds of smarts, different kinds of intelligence. And obviously, school academics that requires a certain kind. But there's also I've just noticed, there's there's other kinds of intelligence, there's intelligence when it comes to there's some people like really creative. And oftentimes that sort of intelligence isn't, isn't really noticed or valued in the school system, unless you're really in the arts, but even then, it's kind of hard. But then there's this whole category of like people smarts, ability to be around people, and communicate, and build relationships and navigate through complexity. And I've obviously been around to you quite a bit. I've certainly seen a high degree, I call it emotional intelligence, like you have a knack, like even you said, to create a connection with someone you've never known before. Like that is a pretty rare, if you if you lined up 100 Other people your age, we would probably say there's like eight of them that could do that, or do that naturally. And so when I look at life and the career, I'm in the career dad's in, very people oriented, like, the last thing I want is somebody that can connect with people quickly. Through humor, I've seen you a lot of times be really engaging with like when you want to be and and when you are engaged in something, whether it's listening to a speaker, or in an activity or something like you, other people pay attention to your cue, and they follow you. And that's probably I mean, that's, that's probably invisible, you probably don't even notice that. And then the contrary, if you're not into something, you can get other people like you know that for sure. Like if if you want to screw around, you'll get other people to stick around. So that the other way to say, like label, what I'm saying is leadership influence skills you have, I've seen that time and time and time again, for better or worse, like you can lead people towards evil. You want it to mischief? Or when you're into it, you can people really like just like, oh, okay, and you ever think you can be both? How would I say like, indirect, or very direct and how you come across. So anyways, there's something you look at when I when I'm having these kinds of conversations. It's almost like let's look at you through the lens of school and report cards and GPA, and then see what kind of sits out there. Then let's look at what do you do in your spare time? What do you like to create? What do you what do you do with your hands? What do you do without even noticing that you're doing it? And then particularly the lens of people, I just think it's something pay attention to as you go through the next couple of years. And even I mean, going back to what you said originally, real estate, real estate and being a realtor, from what I've understood. There's certainly some stuff to learn, ya know, the laws you got to, but it's primarily a people business, it is building relationships, building friendships, getting people to trust you follow you. And if you can, I mean, so in some ways, I think what I've tried to do in my life is figure out the way I'm naturally wired, and then look out and see careers that might fit that. Like, if I can figure if you can figure out your thing. This is what I do. Now, where can I do what I do? Can I do that as a realtor? And then you go explore, and then you're like, you find out I don't really like real estate or it's not as interesting as I thought it was gonna be and you're like, oh, let's look over here. Can I do that as I don't know, a camp counselor running in a giant camp, you're like, yeah, now there's a lot of other things you don't and then you can look at moment. Do I want to be a high school math teacher? Definitely not. So anyways, I've seen that in you quite a bit. And I that's no small thing. And I don't think social, emotionally intelligent kids get enough affirmation through school, especially if you're prone to being funny. You're typically in trouble at school not like praised.

Canyon Scandrett 20:17
Yes, most definitely.

Scott Schimmel 20:19
Which is a bummer. Because later on in life, who do you want to be around- the person that you connect with? Enjoy? And it's funny, I mean, the rest of your life, that's going to be one of the highest strengths and assets that anybody can have. So that's a great foundation.

Canyon Scandrett 20:37
Most definitely just

Scott Schimmel 20:38
because, oh, no, going.

Canyon Scandrett 20:41
I was just gonna say for me when it comes to like, like being social, in the school aspect, when I have like a teacher that's like, open to that will like, let me get to a certain level goofing off. It's I definitely learned and enjoy that class, like, much more. So for me right now, that's English. And that's the reason I have the most fun.

Scott Schimmel 21:01
And what does that teacher what did they like, laugh at you? Laugh with you?

Canyon Scandrett 21:05
Well, just the whole, the whole class, she allows, like, she she allows a lot to like, oh, no, not like, go by, like, she just doesn't care. But it's a lot of like, she's laid back. But like, everything's interactive, and you will learn a lot more. So that's what helps me in the school.

Scott Schimmel 21:24
Yeah. So communication, being clear with ideas, being able to woo people, those are all connect with strangers. Just, I mean, comparing you to me, I don't hardly ever, ever talk to people, I don't know. Unless it's just not something I naturally do. Unless it's like, I have to buy something at a cash register for it's like expected of me. And that's just a unique quality for your. So those sorts of ingredients become foundations to build on. And to be able to like, then again, look through those as a lens of where can I do that more often or not? And my last question, do you need to think about the next two and a half years, really two years until you start till the college application season? starts? What do you think you'll be doing? And will you be applying to a bunch of schools? We're doing college visits? Will you be looking for community college? And a job? Like what what do you anticipate?

Canyon Scandrett 22:34
Well, I mom is pretty keen on me go into a good college. So she wants she's talking about junior and senior year, I go to a lot of colleges and just like get to ers and visit and see what see what like draws my attention. But for me, I'd probably like I'm gonna I'm gonna apply to a lot of colleges, but there's one like in particular, which is like Washington, I want to go to UW just because go back home. But really anything like a decent school that will give me a good education is something that like, draws my attention, because I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to get a good education. So

Scott Schimmel 23:07
Nice. Okay, and because of that, your advice to yourself for the next couple years, what would you what's your advice for yourself?

Canyon Scandrett 23:18
Work hard, but like, work hard, so you can play hard. That's probably my simple, but that's just what I that's what I go by.

Scott Schimmel 23:27
Yep. Love it. Thanks, Canyon. And thanks for joining us. And thank you. We'll be we'll be in touch. I'll probably see you tomorrow. Thank you. Hey, thanks for joining in on The You School podcast, we'd love to share with you the resources available on our website at theyouschool.com not just articles, ebooks, worksheets and other podcast episodes. But specifically you should know about a free course we have available called The Real Me course. It's digital, it's interactive, and it will guide you to get clear about who you are in a great store you could tell with your life. So go register for a free account and get started on The Real Me course today at theyouschool.com. That's The You School dot com.

Episode 36: Case Study #2—Helping a 10th Grader Plan for the Future

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