Scott Schimmel (00:04.59)
If we had had a conversation about my future when I was a teenager, high school and into college, and you'd asked me what I was planning on doing, I would have had a very clear and compelling answer for you. I was going to go into finance or accounting to become a business person, businessman, and ultimately become the CFO of an international company. That was the plan. And the fact is that plan, that story impressed everybody, including myself. Every single time I talked about it, thought about it.
It made me feel good, made me feel secure, peaceful, hopeful, and excited about my future. The problem was it was a lot.
Scott Schimmel (00:49.006)
Rene Girard was a Stanford professor.
Scott Schimmel (00:55.118)
author, French, they call him a polymath, which essentially means he knew a lot of a lot about a lot of stuff. And he developed something called the memetic theory. And the idea that we pursue things, the things that we want, are what we want, because we perceive other people wanting them. And, you know, before we get too far into the head games, he had a specific kind of construct within that memetic theory called the romantic lie.
which I just described. The romantic lie is that we believe, I believe that what I'm pursuing is because I am autonomously freely choosing it. And it was true for my career. I wasn't like deceiving. I could have, I think I could have done a lie detector test and I would have never faltered, never failed. But I was lying to myself in the fact that I, I believed it. And I believed it not because it was congruent or aligned with who I was.
aspirations, my personality, my talents, my interests. I was pursuing it because I thought that's what I was supposed to want. And the feedback that I got, feedback I got from even my own emotions, the feedback I got from adults, my family, reinforced it. Yeah, that's that is what I want. And the path was clear. The path was straightforward. It just worked. But the romantic lie is subversive. It's always there. I don't think anyone escapes it. And that's what
part of what Rene Girard taught. Think about the middle school kid who starts listening to music all of a sudden. That's just like, I don't know, incongruent with who they are, or starts dressing a certain way, wearing a certain thing, talking a certain way. And it typically happens, it's easy to spot in middle school. I always kind of get a chuckle when I see three or four middle schoolers at a mall together or out at a movie together. And they're all dressed essentially the exact same way.
I don't think, I don't, maybe sometimes, but I don't think for most of the time, the kids text one another and show pictures. I'm going to wear this. Is that okay? What are you going to wear? How can we match shoes, pants, shirt, hoodie, hat, hair, makeup, whatever? But it happens. And if you were to pin a middle schooler, take one of them, separate them all into separate rooms and say, why are you dressed that way? Why did you choose to wear that?
Scott Schimmel (03:22.99)
and you're trying to break them hostile hostage negotiations and you try to break them over days. I don't think you could. I think they would deep down believe I am wearing this because I want to wear this. But it is a lie. Nobody wants to wear those baggy jeans. No one wants to spend a half an hour crimping their hair. I'm going flashback to the 90s. Nobody wants to wear a hat like that. Nobody. Nobody wants to listen to that music. You do.
take a shot at you again. Nobody likes Taylor Swift. I'm just kidding. I didn't say that. You like it on a surface level because you think you like it, but the romantic lie is deeper than that. You're lying to yourself. And maybe it's calling it a lie. This is the one thing I wrestled with within a George theory, calling it a lie puts people on the defense. It's not, I don't think that's helpful. Rather what I intend.
is that there's another way. There's another way to get at the motivations for the pursuits that you have, the goals, the aspirations, the career plans. And that is to do more guided, thoughtful reflection, both in writing on your own, as well as conversation with others. There's an exercise called the five wise popularized Japanese management theory system that works really well to get to the core root of something. So back to me.
finance, accounting, become a CFO of an international company. Why? That's the first layer. Well, you probably would have busted me in the first level. I don't know. Well, because I like the idea of it. And if why? Well, and if you read the second layer, if you got me that far, I would have said I like the idea of wearing a suit and tie and.
Being on conference calls with clients and I like the idea of shown up late To social gatherings because I was off doing important meetings Okay, so why do you want all that? Well, now we're going the third layer Well, honestly, that's because that's what I've seen my dad grandpa Neighbors, that's what is successful, right?
Scott Schimmel (05:46.51)
Okay, but why do you want to be like them? You know, why do you want that life? Because it's secure and you get to have nice things and all of a sudden you're in this kind of different conversation, different space to look at and examine the pursuits that you have. And it doesn't take long. It's not complicated. It's actually very straightforward of an exercise. The romantic lie is real.
And if we anticipate it, expect it, you know, again, not in a negative, you're lying to yourself. That's not it. It's not a kind of adversarial idea. But the idea is that there's more to the story. There's more to uncover and that the romantic lie is embedded in every human. And so we're either going to build a life on top of it or we're going to examine it, try to unpack it, try to look at it from every angle and build a life on top of the opposite, which is.
authenticity, congruence, alignment, interests, values, desires, aspirations. And I know that's harder, but it is possible. So do not fall for the romantic lie.
