Scott Schimmel (00:02.158)
Your kid is feeling anxious and stressed about their future. They feel it all the time, whether or not they're showing it on the outside. And I bet you've tried to have the conversation with them multiple times and it doesn't go well. And so you back off. And then when you feel anxious and start freaking out about their future for them, you come back with intensity and it doesn't go well then either. So what do you do? How do you help your kid navigate and narrow down all of their options that they have?
so they can make an informed, confident choice. I'm Scott Schimmel. I'm the president and chief guide of the You School. We guide parents to coach their kids step by step so that they can figure out how to confidently march into adulthood. What I wanna talk about today is actually expanding your kids' opportunities, helping them see the multiple different pathways their lives can take, which can feel counterintuitive because they're trying to narrow things down.
They're being asked all the time, what are you gonna do? What are your plans? Where are you gonna college? What are you gonna study? What are you thinking about for your career? And that is a narrowed down question. But how can they narrow down before they've explored what's possible? I've been trying to navigate that with my son. He's asked me that multiple times at 17 years old as a junior. Yeah, how do I figure it out? How do I kind of narrow down what I wanna do?
And I've struggled in the past, I'm sure like you have, to give him the good advice when it comes up. Well, you know, just follow what you're good at. Okay. You know, find your passion and then you'll never work a day in your life. Okay. What if I'm passionate about hanging out with my friends? What if I'm passionate about surfing? What if I'm passionate about video games? There might be clues there, but what I think our kids actually need is our guidance.
to help them understand what's out there because they don't know. They don't know what's out there. They haven't been exposed to it. They have a limited viewpoint and perspective based on probably you, maybe some family friends and some relatives. And even then it's really super vague what somebody does. Oh, they're in business. Okay. Oh, they're in education. All right. They're in real estate. Oh yeah. So to a teenager, to a young adult, they have no clue what that means.
Scott Schimmel (02:21.358)
So here are steps that you can take today that can help your kid expand their options so they can narrow them down. Step one, make a list of friends that you have and it could be family members or friends who you would say or they would say are thriving in their careers. Make that list. Who do you know? Go on LinkedIn if you can't think of anybody up the top of your head. There might be some miserable people around you who hate their jobs. Go on LinkedIn.
Go on Facebook, go on Instagram, spend a couple hours just trying to think about, look through your contacts and your phone. Who are the people that come to mind that when you bump into them, you think, man, they really seem to be not only successful, but they seem to enjoy life. They seem to be enjoying what they're doing. They would say that they're thriving, that they're loving what they do. That's a list of people. And then next, help your kid create a set of questions, because what we're gonna go towards,
is you setting up meetings, appointments, conversations between those friends of yours and your kid. And you're gonna play middleman, matchmaker, and you're gonna sit there in the middle. And you're gonna do your best to get out of the way, but your kid doesn't know the questions to ask yet when they sit down with them. Most of the time, the way conversations go between teenagers and adults, the adult asks three or four questions, the kid gives one or two word answers, and that's it. And everyone's just kind of, hey, this is awkward, can we stop this now?
But that's not helpful. Instead, what you're going to do is come up with a long set of questions and put them like I try to put this on a note on my phone. And then I share that note with my kid. I've found that sitting down on the spot and telling my kid, hey, I came up with a list of questions and you're going to that's too intense. I've found that it helps to use asynchronicity and tangential, indirect communication, oftentimes with kids. You don't have to.
catch them at their best moments. You can send them something and say, hey, take a look at this when you think of it. And if they don't respond in a day, hey, just remind you, take a look at that. I sent you a note. I know you've been asking questions about your future. I know you're feeling stress and pressure. I know you're feeling anxiety. And so I put together a set of questions that you can put into your own words. Questions that I want you to look through it and maybe highlight or bold the ones that you like or check the ones that you like.
Scott Schimmel (04:45.262)
and just ignore the ones that you don't. But these are questions that you can ask somebody, kid, I'm being the parent right now, modeling this for you. Here are questions that you can ask to people professionally that will help you get a better sense of what they do, how they got there, what they enjoy, what kind of person would do well in that so that you can have a much better, clearer picture of what your options are. So step one.
Make a list of people, friends that you know that are thriving. Step two, make a list of questions that they could ask and send it to your kid. Step three is to reach out to those friends. It's a real simple ask. Hey, could we spend, I'm trying to help my kid narrow down their options and I want them to be exposed to what you do. Would you be willing to offer 10 to 15 minutes by Zoom or FaceTime? We don't have to waste your time at all. 10 or 15 minutes where we can set up an appointment.
and I just want to introduce you to my son and give him or her the chance to ask some questions for you. You don't have to prep anything. I'm not asking. And the answer 100 % of the time is, yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's no skin off my back. That is if, as I've gotten that request, heck yeah. Yeah, of course. I would love to do that. I would love to be a mentor to your kid. I would love to share some insight that I have, either the to do or not to do.
type of advice that could be really useful to your kids. So that's third point is set up the meetings. And fourth is to show up, arrange them, make sure your kid gets there on time, make sure you give your kid a little heads up, like eye contact is good, being engaged is really helpful, asking questions and let them know the parameters. They're gonna ask you some questions. It's gonna be helpful. Here's the kinds of questions they're probably gonna ask. And secondly, they're gonna say, what kind of questions do you have? You can just literally look in your phone and,
ask those questions. And if you want, it's probably a really good idea to take some notes. It's probably a good idea to ask some follow up questions. And then your job in this step is to try to stay out of the way. And I know it's awkward. And we're gonna do this in a future conversation about how do you kind of be with your kids in these conversations when they're fumbling, when they're feeling awkward, when you're feeling awkward, everyone's feeling awkward. How can you set that up better and just be a better presence during that time? We'll get to that.
Scott Schimmel (07:07.95)
But do your best to stay out of the way. This is for them and your friend to have a conversation and then watch some of the magic happen. And some of the magic is not insight or clarity or clouds parting. It's not a job offer. It's your kid just being in that environment where they're having face -to -face conversations about professional things. They're getting feedback. They're just getting used to how this all goes. And you're giving them a lot to chew on.
for the next few days, weeks, months or years. You're exposing them to what's possible. You're giving them a better insight than school ever will. This is a more valuable 15 minutes than an entire semester, I guarantee you. Just spending time getting to know who someone is, how they get there, how do they think, what are some mistakes that they made along the way, what are some regrets they have, what do they wish they could have done differently? If they had known what you know now, what would you say? Those kinds of questions.
Advice to your 19 year old self, watch outs or make sure you do this. That's all the stuff happening. And then fifth, the final step is to debrief with your kid. Circle back an hour later, a day later, what'd you think? How did it go? What'd you feel? But specific questions to debrief with them. What stood out to you? What was maybe surprising to you? Something that they said, what was maybe?
your overall tone and vibe after talking to them, did you feel like eh? Or did you feel kind of excited? And either way, what made you feel that way? And your job is not to be more intense, your job is to be supportive, a mirror, to coach them to come to clarity. Our roles as parents is to help our kids find their authentic voice, to figure out life for themselves. Not our voice in their heads, but their voice shining through to come to clarity. This exercise.
will help and you don't have to do this once. You can do it a hundred times. You got a hundred friends, a hundred people you can find that are thriving. Good for you. Introduce them all to your kid. Take the time. Your kid will thank you years from now and it's a light years ahead for them in terms of the development, their self -awareness, their clarity, and it's by expanding their opportunities and their options that'll help them narrow down.
Scott Schimmel (09:28.686)
to find the right one so they can be confident and clear about the path that they're headed. So make a list, set up the questions, schedule the appointments, get out of the way and to brief with them after and you're giving your kid a gift that will last a lifetime.
Scott Schimmel (09:51.566)
We have more resources like this on our blog, thyouschool.com/blog and more episodes coming out like this. If you'd like to subscribe so you're notified when they come out, go ahead and click and also feel free to share this with some of those friends that you know that have kids who are teenagers. Every single parent needs this. That's our mission is to provide the resources that parents need to coach their kids to clarity.
