Scott Schimmel (00:05.006)
Your kid is going to look to you for advice about their career, about the college choice, about their major, about what they do for work, probably about a hundred other things. And the last thing you want to do is give them bad advice. In this episode, I'm going to walk you through a key framework so that you don't give your kids bad advice. I'm Scott Schimel. I'm the chief guide of the U school. I've been working with emerging adults for the past 20 years, oftentimes undoing the bad advice that the parents give them.
So I know what I'm talking about and I'm applying it as a dad to my three kids right now because I almost did this. I almost gave my kid bad advice recently. I was three, four weeks ago, my son and I were in the car. He's 17, he's a junior, starting to think a lot about the future, a lot about college, a lot about career. And he just kind of out of the blue says, hey dad, what do you think about me doing this career and this particular career is finance.
And time out, if you've ever listened to me before, if you want to watch previous episodes or read things I've written, you would probably be laughing right now because I rescued myself out of a career in finance. Finance is not bad. I don't think it's bad. Good people, great people do finance. But my story was that I was following in what I thought was the family business. I felt like I was supposed to. I felt like if I just chose the family business, go into finance, then I would have immediate respect.
security and affirmation and affection from my parents and all my friends and it kind of worked for a long time for many years I pursued it and it organized everything until one day I had this kind of come to Jesus moment and realized it's not who I am it's not my story and at that point it's completely lost because I had been given bad advice as well when I said do you think I should go into finance other people said yeah and so here I am as a dad and my son says hey dad what do you think about me?
going into finance. My first gut reaction was like, wait, what is this like a plant? Is this like candid camera? Am I getting punked right now? My son asking me the guy that got out of finance talks about all the time wants to go into finance makes no sense. But secondly, I started to think about like, I mean, literally, I started going down the path of do I think he would be good some think about his skill set his grades in school. I mean, in a split second, I'm thinking about that'd be I mean, it's,
Scott Schimmel (02:27.438)
kind of guaranteed money, then you have to think about the client. So I'm about to open my mouth and start giving him what he's asking for, which is advice. But I knew because I'm working on this and think about this, I'm gonna share it with you in just a second. I knew that whatever I was gonna say would be bad advice. And here's why. He asked me a question in a different phase than I believe he's in.
He's asking me in that moment, he's asking me what I would call it a discernment phase question, a discernment question. When you're in the discernment phase, you have an option. Should I do this or should I do that? Should I apply here or should I apply there? And what you tend to do in the discernment phase is you start using the knowledge that you have, the perspective that you have, the tools that you have to discern.
And typically it's emotional and irrational. If you haven't done the deeper work, which I'm going to get to in just a second, and you're in the discernment phase, what are you going to do? Use pros and cons list. Go off kind of lower shelf sort of things like, Oh, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's people seem to be, you know, that's where all the jobs are. You start discerning without any kind of triangulation, any map, any compass to look at.
And all you have is a very, very surface level ability to discern. You're just guessing. And let me tell you this. I know you know this, but using emotion or guessing is a really bad foundation to build a happy, successful, thriving life. Let me say that again. If you were trying to walk your kid through a discernment phase question, should I apply here? Should I study this? Should I major that? Should I take that job? Should I do that this summer?
and you haven't done the other work, all you're doing is guessing or using your emotions. And that's not what we want to give our kids. We do not want to give them bad advice. Here's better advice. And here's what I did. I said, son, you know, great question. And what I think if you're open to it could be really helpful is if I set up for you a series of conversations with different people that I know who are in that career field.
Scott Schimmel (04:54.766)
which if you're curious about that, it's in another episode, how to expose and guide your kids to explore multiple opportunities, multiple career opportunities. I kind of walk through step -by -step how to do that. And he's like, yeah, that sounds great. And I get into that in another episode. But I then returned and said, but I think you're asking a discernment question. And I explained what that meant. And instead you're in the discover phase.
The discover phase is all about figuring out, discovering and defining who you are, what you want, what kind of person you want to become, what's important to you, what you value, what your priorities are, what problems you want to tackle in this world, what your dreams are. In that discover discovery phase, you walk through a series of questions.
and you give your kid the opportunity, the ample time, the support, and I'll give it to you in just a second, like what the most helpful thing you could do. You walk your kids through those questions so that they can discover for themselves their answers, which then, when they get to discernment, if you've done the proper discovery, you're able to make not irrational, not emotional decisions, but rational, thoughtful, logical, informed, educated opinions about what to do next.
Which means you're not guessing, you're not closing your eyes and throwing a dart. You're not just spinning a wheel and hoping it works out. You're not saying things like, well, you know, it doesn't really matter. You'll figure it out later because that's a lame way to approach life. Instead, you're being thoughtful about what you approach, why you approach it, and you're learning all the time. And so are they. Here's the most important thing you could do. Number one is identify what questions belong in the discover phase and two for you to answer them yourself.
Our kids need to hear our own answers to those big pressing critical central life questions. Who are you? What matters most to you? What are you here for? What are you gonna give? How will you contribute? All these big pressing life questions. They need to know that those are the questions, that there is a roadmap, and if they answer them, it will yield them clarity and confidence. If you wanna learn more, subscribe to...
Scott Schimmel (07:15.63)
The YouTube channel here, if you're listening, subscribe there. We have articles and tips and how -to guides on our website, particularly the blog. And soon we'll be coming out with a tool that I think you're gonna want. It's a really shorthanded way to guide your kid through the discernment phase so that they're informed, educated, and you're not using emotional, irrational decision parameters, which is terrible. Do not give your kids bad advice. Guide them step by step. That's what we're here for.
We're here to guide you so that you can coach your kids to a confident, thriving adulthood. We'll be back soon with another conversation, another tool, another thing that you could do with your kids.
