Scott Schimmel (00:07.79)
Eventually, my kids are going to leave the house, I hope, and have careers, successful careers. But here's the question. Will my kids love what they do for work? Will they look to work as a means to express themselves in this world or as a means to an end? I'm Scott Schimel, I'm the president and chief guide of the U school. I've been working with young adults for the past 20 plus years, guiding them to think thoughtfully about who they are, why they're here and how to be here.
Well, I had this wake up call recently in a conversation with one of my kids. I was asking about their thoughts for work and they said, you know, generally it makes me feel kind of stressed out. I want to make sure that I do something that basically doesn't suck that much. And before I respond, I thought for a minute and it occurred to me that his perspective and attitude mindset towards work has most likely been shaped by me.
And what I said, I kind of measured my words really carefully. I said, Hey, buddy, I don't know if you know this, but for every 10 days I go to work, nine of them I love. I said, I don't know if you know this, but I actually love working. I think of it like fun and joy. It's one of my favorite things to do. And it seemed like that was news to him. So in some ways, this
This quick message is a bit of a confessional for myself, but I think it could be helpful for you as well. Our kids are watching us all the time, soaking up, picking up, listening, reading between the lines. And your kids will primarily define their attitude towards work from you. So what are you teaching them? There are a bunch of options as it relates to work, and it's called work for a reason. You've probably heard that.
We're seeing that bumper sticker and work is a means to an end. It's the way we earn income to pay for expenses, especially as a parent. I work for many reasons to be able to provide safety, security, and all the things that come along with raising kids today. It is a means to an end. It is also a lot more than that. So let me give you a few options for you to consider. And then what I'm recommending is that you would do some reflection for yourself.
Scott Schimmel (02:33.806)
and a little bit of looking in the mirror to try to pay attention and listen to what are the messages that you're sending your kids about your point of view towards work. And then ultimately what we can do as parents is guide our kids to select their own point of view. Because I believe that their point of view, the perspective about what work is and what it's for will determine, it will shape the choices that they make. And I want my kids, and I bet you do too, to have a positive redemptive view of what work is and...
the ability to approach it in such a way that they see it as a positive thing to say the least. So here's a few options and see what you relate to and resonate with. You know, work is something that I just have to do. It's a necessary evil. Do you think that? Do you say that? Or work is something I get to do. It's a gift to express my unique identity and perspective. Another one, work is something that I try to get through as quickly and painlessly as possible. In other words,
It's an orientation towards, I just gotta get through it. Is that what you think about work? Another one, work is something that gets through to me. It's a means to help me grow. I know I've seen my challenges and opportunities at work be a tremendous instrument for me to become a better version of myself. Work is something that enables me to live the rest of my life. Do your kids see you? Do you think that...
Work is just what you got to do so that you can do all the good stuff outside of work at night, in the mornings and on weekends. Or do you think work is my chance to make a difference in the world? Work is a way for me to create something meaningful. Work is my opportunity to provide for the people I care about. And I'll share more you can see in the notes to this conversation. A couple more, working hard is something I get to do.
Or working hard as a chore that I avoid doing at all costs. Now, if you got teenagers, chances are, especially when it comes around chores around the house, they see it as chores, not something that they get to do, which is different, obviously, for most of us when we become adults, own our own cars, homes. Working hard for this is something I get to do. I get to take care of this. Work is something that I have to do so I can do what I want to do. That's kind of the...
Scott Schimmel (04:52.558)
working for the weekends, working for retirement perspective, your point of view, your perspective, whether you're an adult as a parent or as a kid, your perspective towards it will in large part determine your experience of it. Like many things in life, it's not fixed either. You can actually change your point of view and select one that's better for you. And you can do that throughout the day. I often have...
meetings or moments during the workday where I just feel off, frustrated, disappointed, irritated, feel like I'm wasting time. And I find myself taking a break, taking a quick walk around the block, checking in with a friend, doing something that I enjoy doing, but then ultimately choosing a different point of view, one that I hold to at a deeper level, a value of mine.
That work is not just a means to an end, work is a means to make a difference, to make a positive difference, to make an impact. So how ultimately do you guide your kid to maybe a better or more helpful view towards work? Because I want my kids, when they think about their careers, when they think about even going off to college and investing in a major or course of study, I really want them to look at that as an opportunity, as a gift.
And I think you do too. So number one for me, it's to check myself, check my own attitude. And then secondly, to rephrase how I talk about work. I'm going to choose to be more intentional, the words and phrases that I use around my kids, around the workday. Phrases like, I'm looking forward to when my kids ask me, what am I doing that day? Or phrases like, I'm so grateful that I get to.
And those can go a long way towards communicating a really positive, affirming view of work. So I want to be intentional about the words and phrases that I use. But ultimately, I want to share openly, honestly, I grew up always listening to my parents talk about work at the end of the day. If we sat down for dinner at the dinner table, they'd talk about their days. They'd talk about the work that they did, the good and the bad. I grew up having a sense that work was good. The work was...
Scott Schimmel (07:17.55)
important, that work was valuable, that going to work every day was something that was a privilege, not a duty, but an opportunity and of course a responsibility. I want to pass that along for my kids. And one shift I think we've made as parents is at least grown up in my world and my family, we were very valued as kids, but we also knew that the dinner table is not about us.
It was about my parents catching up and talking out loud about their lives. It's something I think I've missed. My wife and I missed that we often around the dinner table want to check in with the kids. They don't, I don't think, listen as much about work and what we did that day. They don't listen in as much as I did growing up. And that's a change that I want to make. I hope my kids will learn to love their work, whatever that is, whether that's doing yard work on a Saturday.
folding laundry for the kids that they raise, going off to give big presentations, doing spreadsheets, fixing things with their hands, whatever the work is they end up doing. I hope that they know that it is a gift. And I hope that they see work as a means for their own transformation, as an expression of their creativity and wonder in this world. And I think it starts with the perspective that I share that they can learn from.
and hopefully gain as well. So your kids will primarily define their attitude towards work from you. What are you teaching them?
