Scott Schimmel (00:03)
So there are these natural decision points as a kid grows up when they have to make these choices about their future and their life path that are very consequential moments and every decision in many ways reflects and is constrained by the previous choices. So before they apply for a job, let's say when they're graduated from college, they have to narrow down this career path and before they choose that career path and which job to apply for.
Ideally, they have already selected a path in school, a major and a minor and how they focused their academics before they picked a major, they had to pick a school before they picked a school, they had to apply for a school before they even applied to a school. They had a like countless series of choices about what kind of student they are, the habits they develop. And then overall, their kind of self concept of who they are, and what they're good at and where they're going in life. So
Okay, that's that's the context. And as these decision moments, because there's you can kind of go through life, but then there's like peaks of decision moments. And inevitably, in those times, when you have to make a choice, there are stress and pressure and anxiety and fear and worry, and anxiety, it all kind of pops up in those moments. I'd say it's actually ever present. And ⁓
What are those particular anxieties that the sources of them? I think especially when you have to narrow down your options, which is what is always required every single time you make a choice, whether it's this major, meaning all the other majors are not on the menu right now, this job, this career, etc. Or this school. So I think there are three particular anxiety sources of anxiety. And the first one is around this question.
Will I like it? Will I like it? Will I like this work? Will I like this industry? Will I like this place this this company, this team, this people this boss? ⁓ Will I like what I do? Will I enjoy it? And what sits behind that question is this ⁓ cultural message that we've handed off to our kids that you should you should like it. And actually, if you don't, that's
a piece of failure. I think of Mr. Incredible and the Incredibles Pixar movie, the first context, kind of looking at the hero's framework, the hero's journey framework in his life, you see this miserable, I don't know what he does, he works in a cubicle, maybe sells insurance or something, but is so far from him enjoying it. And we look at that and we think, oh man, that poor guy is in a hole and he needs to be rescued. And we have
over communicated to our kids. Whatever you do, make sure you enjoy it. Make sure it makes you happy. And so this anxiety of will I like it clouds the decision makes it hard to make a choice. That's the first one. And I call these three prediction anxieties. ⁓ Number one, will I like it? Number two, will I be good at it? How do you know? How do know you'll be good at this? How do know you have what it takes? Just because a kid and you're growing up is good at math.
Does that mean that I will thrive in a career of engineering or finance? Maybe, maybe it expresses a natural aptitude or maybe I had a really good teacher and I sat around all the really diligent students. And so I kind of was caught up in what they do and how they do it. And I ended up being a good student, getting good grades. So that's another anxiety that clouds.
the discernment process. And then the third, and I think this is more common in the last few months is will this exist in the future? It's a future prediction anxiety. It's not that long ago when every single headline you saw was why your kids should learn how to code, you have to teach your kids STEM. I mean, not that long ago, meaning like months ago, a couple years ago, and then AI came.
I think you would be, it'd be wild right now. If in a 17 year old kid or a 21 year old kid was given the advice that you should learn how to code. It's like, that doesn't exist anymore. So will I like it? Will I be good at it? Will exist? Those are three big questions that cause significant anxiety. And when there's anxiety and pressure and stress,
that always clouds judgment.
How do you guide a kid through that sort of anxiety so they can make clear, confident decisions? They will come to you and ask for your help and your guidance. I want you to be able to do that conversation well. And that's really what this series is all about. How do you not blow it so that you can become an effective guide for your kid so they get on the path to their good life, not your.
hopes and dreams and aspirations for them, but their own, which is what leads into the main content of this episode. What we want to do is walk our kids, whether it's you're thinking as a parent, as a teacher, as a coach, as a mentor, we want to guide our kids as they're asking us, which one do I picked? What is the major, the college, the career, the job that I should pick? We want to actually help them in a series of steps.
zoom out and look at their entirety of their life. It would be much easier, obviously, if you could just give them a test and say, this is what you're good at. And this what you should do. That'd be much easier, but that's not how life works. And we want them to get clarity. And so we want to help them think that the decision that they're going to make for their career, their major, the college, etc. is a part and a function of a larger vision that they have for their lives, who they're becoming. So
This particular episode is specifically about helping them identify and declare the aspirations that they have for their life. In other words, the vision that they have for their life. And it's less about the specifics. If you were to ask and sit down and say, Hey, what are your aspirations? You probably assume what we mean by that is what kind of resume do you want to build? But aspirations in the pure sense are way less about your resume.
and much more about quality, the kind of experiences that you have, the kind of person that you become. And what we have found is as you get, as kids get overwhelmed by the anxiety of their choice and the FOMO and all that stuff that comes up with it, we wanna help them zoom out and look at their life and see how career choices fit into one piece of their overall doing life well. There are other pieces.
And I'll share with you an exercise that we've done with lots of students and transitioning veterans and adults. And it's proven to be very valuable. We want to help them one at a time. Think about the different aspects of their life. And that often includes their aspirations for the kind of family that they have, the kind of parent that they want to be if they imagine having kids, the kind of spouse or partner that they're looking for, the kind of marriage that they want to have.
the kind of community they want to be a part of and how they imagine their relationships and being a part of a broader community outside of their family. We want to help them think about how they give back and make a difference. So they're being a citizen or being a part of a community. Of course, we want to help them think about their work life, but it's less about their resume and the awards and their salary and perks on stuff. It's much more like, you know, how do want to be known? What's your reputation?
What kind of difference do you want to make? What kind of problems do you want to solve? How do you imagine life going well inside the context of work? Your creative life, the things that you are interested in, your hobbies, your physical health, your spiritual life. So each one of those aspects and categories of life deserves time to vision, time to dream, time to imagine. And what we have found is the more time
And diligence, a young person puts into that exercise, the easier the decisions become when they get to the point of do I pick this or that? Because they recognize that there's so much more to life than just this choice. And they have a vision of who they're becoming, not what they're doing. And it's incredibly helpful. It gives them more resilience, gives more confidence. ⁓ They can go in with eyes wide open. They can be more strategic in the choices that they make.
everything goes better. And the good news is not that hard. This exercise is not hard. That's actually fun. It's almost like if you ever done like a vision board or one of those kinds of exercises, you might roll your eyes at first. But typically if you're like, Hey, yeah, so imagine your life, imagine your family life, your social life, the kind of things you say about your life 15, 20, 30 years from now. And it's a pretty invigorating exercise. So simple prompts. I want my blank life to look like
What? Oh, my family life, my social life, uh, you know, kind of give back life. Uh, the second prompt would be, I want to be a blank who I want to be a neighbor who I want to be a friend who I want to be a dad who, and I know for me, I start putting things in there. I'm like, I want to be a dad who's present and engaged. want to be a dad that his teenagers want to spend time with. I want to be a dad.
who gives grounded wisdom in significant moments of time. I want to be a neighbor who is generous and thoughtful and people enjoy being around. ⁓ You start adding to this life vision that you have. And again, the choice, the choice that's in front of your kid becomes simpler. So your kid's going to come to you and say, what about you? What do think I should do? Should I do this or that? This school, that school, this major, that major, this class, that class.
this internship, that internship. And yeah, I want to give thoughtful advice that's based on years of pattern recognition and wisdom. But ultimately, I want them to make that choice. I want them to think about who they are and who they want to become and just giving them the chance to think about these broader things will help them have more clarity and perspective over this particular choice. I hope that's helpful. We have an article that goes along with this on our blog and curriculum that you can
purchase and walk your kids through as a coach, as a mentor, as a guide, as a parent. And we dream of a world where every single kid has an opportunity to put this all together, to think about their lives in a way that they have vision, they have clarity, they have confidence, and then they have the qualities and attributes to navigate to making that kind of life. So I believe that every kid who has a vision for their life, that that vision is not there to disappoint them, discourage them, distract them, but it's...
there to step into and be realized. So thanks for tuning in and we'll see you soon.
