Who Guides Your Life? Why Every Kid Needs Mentors

 There’s a powerful stat from the Search Institute that sticks with me: Every kid needs at least five caring adults in their life—beyond their parents. Adults who care about them, believe in them, and invest in them. Not just authority figures. Not just teachers or coaches they know from afar. But real relationships—trusted adults who show up and speak into their lives.

It’s a statistic that shapes how we think about building a meaningful life for kids. Because here’s the reality: as kids grow into adolescence, they start to pull away from their parents. It’s not rebellion—it’s development. They’re trying to figure out who they are outside the family system. They’re searching for their tribe, their voice, their identity.

And as they pull away, the question becomes: who’s leaning in?

The Middle School Moment That Hit Me Hard

I’ll never forget the first day of middle school for my oldest son. Up until that point, we were close—I coached his teams, we walked to school together, we were tight. But that morning, as we reached the crosswalk, he turned and said, “Are you guys both coming?” Then looked straight at me and said, “Sorry, Dad.” I gave him a fist bump, told him to rock his day—but inside, I crumbled.

That moment was a turning point. My son was doing what every adolescent must: he was beginning to detach in order to grow. But it left me with a pressing question: if I’m no longer his default guide, who will be?

Why Mentors Matter So Much

Kids who have five or more trusted adults in their lives are more likely to thrive across the board: they do better in school, are less likely to engage in risky behaviors, are more emotionally resilient, and even go on to have better career success. Why? Because they have people who see them, challenge them, and affirm their value.

But most kids don’t have that. They might interact with adults, sure—coaches, teachers, youth pastors—but actual mentorship? That’s rare. And it doesn’t usually happen by accident. It happens when the adults in a kid’s life choose to step in. And when parents make space for those relationships to form.

What Parents Can Actually Do

As parents, we can’t be the only voice our kid hears. And we shouldn’t try to be. But we can help build their team.

That means inviting other adults into your kid’s world. It might look like:

• Bringing friends or extended family over and involving your kid in the conversation.

• Planning an outing—golf, a game, a meal—with your kid and a trusted adult.

• Asking a teacher, coach, or mentor to be intentional about relationship-building.

Sometimes we push our kids out of adult spaces—“Go to your room, the grown-ups are talking.” But what if we flipped that? What if we invited them into our friendships and conversations?

Let them hear how adults talk. Let them see your values lived out. Let them witness mutual respect, vulnerability, humor, and reflection. Let them see you listen. Let them see you disagree. This is the social-emotional curriculum they can’t get in school.

A Real-Life Example

There’s a young man I met years ago in middle school through YouSchool. At the time, it was his mom who signed him up—he wasn’t exactly eager. Years later, as a college grad starting his career, he reached out to connect. We had a conversation, not as mentor and student, but as adults.

That’s the power of showing up. Of building the bridge early so that one day, your kid has someone to call when life gets hard—or when they’re trying to figure out what comes next.

What’s at Stake

If kids don’t have these guiding relationships, they’re more likely to feel isolated, misunderstood, and unmotivated. They’ll rely on peer validation. They’ll drift.

But if they do? They’ll gain wisdom, resilience, perspective, and vision. They’ll feel known. And they’ll start to build a life of meaning—with people who’ve walked with them along the way.

The question isn’t just, “Who guides your kid?”
It’s: What are you doing to help make those guides part of their life?